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Psicóloga e coautora de obra sobre violência doméstica explica mais sobre o assunto

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Cristine Lima dos Santos, que assina um dos capítulos do livro sobre violência doméstica, faz um bate-papo exclusivo falando sobre como as mulheres devem lidar com a situação em casa e até no trabalho

Atuante na Psicologia há quase 30 anos, a psicóloga Cristine Lima dos Santos sentiu que também é hora de colocar em livros a sua experiência profissional.

Então, além de ser coautora da obra “Mulheres Invisíveis”, lançado nesse ano sobre violência contra a mulher, ela agora encara a coordenação editorial de mais um livro: “Como cuidar da Ansiedade”, com previsão de lançamento para 2022.

Mas falando nas altas taxas de violência sofrida por mulheres, com os casos praticamente dobrando os números durante a pandemia, nós conversamos exclusivamente com a coautora.

E nesse bate-papo ela explica mais sobre como detectar um agressor, o que leva mulheres a se submeterem a situações assim, como proceder diante desses casos e muito mais.

Confira!

Quais os sinais “clássicos” de que uma relação é abusiva?

Cristine Lima dos Santos – Entenda a relação abusiva de uma forma mais ampla, porque não é somente a  violência física ou sexual que lhe dá essa conotação, ela pode se apresentar de maneira mais sutil.

Geralmente, o agressor inicia com o lado psicológico, já que primeiro ocorre a sedução, a conquista para que a pessoa se encante, se apaixone.

Após perceber o envolvimento e a dependência emocional, o abusador começa a atacar com questões que parecem comuns nas relações, como controle de horários (“Onde vai?”, “Por que demorou?”), ciúmes frequentes e sem motivo (criar situações inexistentes) , afastamento dos amigos e parentes (isolamento social, evita contato e quando acontece, sempre ocorre briga por motivos inexistentes), invasão de privacidade (como do celular, redes sociais, conta bancária), manipulação ( para o outro  fazer o que o abusador quer), chantagem emocional (se coloca no papel de vítima para alcançar o que deseja ou envolve os filhos, responsabilizando o outro pelas  reações agressivas), controle na liberdade (de ir e vir ou nas vestimentas), abuso patrimonial (gastos excessivos, falência, dependência econômica), sexual (estupro, fica muito irritado ou ainda ameaça com traição), críticas destrutivas (invalidação dos sentimentos, da pessoa, ignorando, rebaixando sua autoestima, ridicularizando suas opiniões e gostos).

“Geralmente, o agressor inicia com o lado psicológico, já que primeiro ocorre a sedução, a conquista para que a pessoa se encante, se apaixone”.

E quando ela passa a ser uma violência doméstica, o que pode ser apontado como esses sinais?

Cristine – De forma geral, os itens apontados acima são considerados violência doméstica, entretanto, a diferença é a forma, pois inicia-se com atitudes mais sutis.

Então, essas vão se avançando conforme o companheiro percebe que a reação do outro é de recuo, notando o medo e a submissão, dando mais segurança e poder para o outro.

Quando o agressor está “empoderado”, começa a se utilizar de posturas mais agressivas para conseguir o que deseja e fazer com que a submissão se torne  total.

Toda violência doméstica um dia foi uma relação abusiva ou não necessariamente?

Cristine – Um companheiro não se torna agressivo ou abusivo de um dia para o outro.

Com certeza ele já possuía esse perfil, só não se manifestava pois o aspecto inicial é sempre o do sedutor, tanto é que apesar de usar de violência, agressão ou de manipulações,  a companheira ainda  permanece na relação justamente pelo lado sedutor.

Isso porque quando percebe que existe a ameaça de evasão ou uma atitude negativa extrema da companheira, ele recorre à sedução com desculpas, flores, mimos entre outros,  conhecido como “Círculo da Violência”.

Além disso, o opressor leva o abusado a acreditar que esse tipo de relação é o melhor que pode conquistar.

No caso do ambiente de trabalho, o que a mulher pode levar em consideração para saber que está em um ambiente machista, tóxico e recorrer aos seus superiores?

Cristine –  Vamos pensar que a empresa tem uma filosofia e se existem funcionários com o perfil machista, a empresa passa a ser conivente com este tipo de postura.

Podemos concluir que a mulher que está passando por assédio não poderá contar muito com seus superiores para impedir ou eliminar esta problemática, porém, não se deve calar diante das atitudes abusivas.

No mundo corporativo e, dependendo do nível da empresa, os relacionamentos tóxicos podem ser mais sutis por conta das habilidades mais refinadas, por isso, sempre comece exercitando a observação, porque os comportamentos se repetem.

Perceba se ocorre hostilidade, o ignorar da presença, excluir de reuniões, abuso de poder, repressão, conduta manipuladora, ameaças, sentir-se sempre em alerta por se sentir ameaçada,  ter autonomia limitada, palavras ou atitudes agressivas e pressão em demasia são alguns exemplos.

Temos algumas mais grosseiras, como orientar um trabalho de forma errônea ou sem explicação  para prejudicar,  atribuir erros imaginários, proibir colegas de falar ou  estar na companhia dele, retirar instrumentos de trabalho, exigir horários injustificados, fazer brincadeiras ou críticas de mau gosto, perseguições da chefia etc.

Essas ameaças podem atingir de modo físico, emocional ou psicológico, levando a  pessoa ao declínio de sua produtividade, depressão, ansiedade crônica ou doenças físicas.

“Em um nível corporativo, procure inicialmente juntar provas como e-mails, salve conversas, grave falas abusivas, procure o RH da empresa,  o seu superior e, por fim, se achar necessário, faça uma denúncia ao Ministério Público ou Sindicato”.

Muitas mulheres, tanto no ambiente de trabalho, como em casa, ainda se aceitam em situações de assédio moral, sexual etc. Por quê?

Cristine – Hoje há vários caminhos onde a mulher pode ser amparada e ajudada, seja na empresa ou no relacionamento conjugal.

Em um nível corporativo, procure inicialmente juntar provas como e-mails, salve conversas, grave falas abusivas, procure o RH da empresa,  o seu superior e, por fim, se achar necessário, faça uma denúncia ao Ministério Público ou Sindicato.

Quando falamos no relacionamento íntimo, o ponta pé inicial é saber que você não está sozinha!

Existem alguns órgãos da Prefeitura que oferecem serviços de proteção à mulher que sofrem de violência e  são sigilosos.

Alguns deles são os CRAS (Centros de Referência da Assistência Social), CREAS (Centro de Referência Especializado de Assistência Social) e SMADS (Secretaria Municipal de Assistência e Desenvolvimento Social).

O  Centro de Defesa  e de Convivência  da Mulher (CDCM) oferece proteção e apoio, a rede  socio-assistencial,  15 unidades  com mais de mil vagas, proporcionando  atendimento social, orientação psicológica e encaminhamento jurídico.

Qual o principal ou “empurrão” que a mulher deve dar para sair dessa situação? E como as pessoas podem ajudar (se isso for possível), caso ela não queira se ajudar por algum motivo?

Cristine – Agora, você, que tem uma amiga, colega, vizinha, parente e percebe que essas dinâmicas estão acontecendo ao seu lado, ajude!

Oriente, converse, dê uma leitura e elucide, pois geralmente a pessoa não percebe por que está muito envolvida nisso tudo e também bastante fragilizada, acreditando que é a única culpada por receber esse tipo de abuso.

Você sabia que o assédio ou o abuso são crimes no Brasil? Sim, desde 2001 e podem gerar até dois anos de prisão para o praticante! Ligue 180 para denunciar vítimas de violência doméstica.

 

Cristine Lima dos Santos é psicóloga clínica e hospitalar, além de diretora da Clínica Eubiose Integração Em Saúde.

Também é coautora e coordenadora editorial do livro “Como cuidar da Ansiedade”, que está em fase de captação de coautores e deve ser lançado em 2022.

Saiba mais: @cristine.psicologia – (11) 99710-0663

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Mannersmith Etiquette asking works customers set their utmost base Forward in Dating and in Life

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The brief type: individuals may think of decorum as focusing on how much to advice at a cafe or restaurant or holding the entranceway for anyone else. But Jodi RR Smith, creator of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, wants individuals to broaden their particular idea of ways. According to Jodi, etiquette requires rules for conduct that make both folks involved with an interaction experience recognized. Acting really on an initial go out — or at the beginning of a unique relationship — is important, which is why Jodi has many single consumers just who move to this lady for etiquette assistance.

A bride-to-be was struggling to build a healthy and balanced connection together with her potential mother-in-law. The woman fiancé’s mummy desired to assist their prepare every aspect of her wedding, anything the bride-to-be didn’t desire.

Concurrently, she don’t know how to inform the lady soon-to-be mother-in-law not to be thus manipulative with wedding planning. She in addition must navigate inquiring the woman husband to be to stand right up on her behalf — anything he previouslyn’t done so much.

The bride-to-be had been conflicted, thus she connected with Jodi RR Smith, the Founder of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting, to go over how to proceed.

“I encouraged the lady to get one step back. The marriage ceremony is the base to suit your connection going forward. I inquired the girl, ‘Ten decades from now inside relationship, do you want to help make your husband have every dialogue along with your mother-in-law?” Jodi said regarding the circumstance.

People might not believe that resolving a problem like this would end up in decorum coaching, but Jodi implies that the original definition of decorum is limited. Ways are more than understanding which hand to utilize or when to put your napkin in your lap. They’re rules of behavior which make both parties tangled up in any connection feel comfortable and respected.

Jodi inspired the bride-to-be which will make a compromise that would keep them both pleased.

“I coached her through strategies to are the mother-in-law inside the wedding planning task. I assisted her show an amount of regard whilst having a challenging conversation,” Jodi stated.

In conclusion, both the bride-to-be and mother-in-law happened to be satisfied: The earlier girl in the offing components of the marriage younger girl wasn’t contemplating. That set the tone because of their relationship ultimately, which meant they are able to settle disputes without the bridegroom’s participation.

Jodi assists the woman Mannersmith clients achieve outcomes that affect many facets of their everyday lives, including making a very first perception on a date. This is why bbw singles frequently turn-to the lady for guidance and assistance because they navigate the current dating scene.

a Departure From the conventional procedures of Dating

Jodi said she don’t begin Mannersmith to help customers comprehend the decorum of dating or social interactions, but she quickly found that the woman knowledge in ways training translated to many different options.

Before she founded Mannersmith in 1996, she worked in HR and realized that lots of wise, kind people weren’t obtaining the offers or increases they sought. That was usually since they lacked the interpersonal skills they necessary to change in the office.

So Jodi created a mentoring plan that centered on training etiquette skills for experts. As she moved from business to business through the woman career, she had been repeatedly asked to provide the workshop.

“I became providing plenty I imagined i will stop and start my very own business,” Jodi told united states.



Which is exactly what she did, and even though she consistently supply coaching for experts, she’s broadened the woman offerings to greatly help those battling to browse tricky circumstances in their relationship and personal life.

“the abilities I became training people to use within the office happened to be the same skills they might utilize at home. When you have to have a hard dialogue with a coworker, such as, those are the same skills you would use to confer with your companion,” Jodi said.

Within the dating world, Jodi provides the woman consumers advice about precisely how they could provide their very best selves to a night out together. Relating to Jodi, when you first beginning dating some body, you don’t want the potential romantic partner to pay attention to a negative practice you have and decide they’re not into the second big date.

“You always desire to be the best home, so you do have more choices. There’s something become stated about obtaining clothed and chewing together with your mouth closed. You want to be sure you just like the individual before handling their foibles,” said Jodi.

Tools to Help People enhance their Presentation

Jodi along with her spouse Marianne Cohen provide private mentoring to those struggling to provide on their own well in online dating situations. They think that decorum is not only essential in a few situations, but should be practiced on a regular basis.

“Whenever you’re trying to have a connections with another human being, you’ll want these skills,” Jodi said.

That viewpoint clarifies exactly why Jodi is rolling out numerous supplies to help individuals prove well.

Those having trouble with social connections might take the private Protocol Seminar, designed to improve specific skills. Other individuals may choose to subscribe to “the skill of Gracious eating” or “Seven experienced keys for Personal Polish.” Both workshops are merely a few hours long and may provide participants a benefit in interacting with brand-new work colleagues or intimate passions.

Men and women can also browse website’s database of posts for certain etiquette ideas, including those regarding the previous COVID-19 pandemic. Jodi was providing guidance about navigating difficult scenarios in this unique time. The woman articles include, “The Etiquette Of personal Distancing: dealing with 5 typical circumstances” and “How to Navigate the World of on the web meeting Calls, Meetings During performing, and mastering Remotely.”

She’s got in addition posted books that talk about the most typical decorum blunders men and women make, plus one concentrated on common missteps. 1st two publications tend to be “From Clueless to Class operate: Manners for all the Modern Man” and “From Clueless to Class Act: ways your popular girl.” The woman thorough ways publication is called, “The Etiquette Book: an entire self-help guide to Modern Manners.”

If readers can’t find the answer they require, Jodi will respond to their unique concerns via email.

“you are able to download the posts free of charge and get me personally questions for free. I’ll give you some suggestions concerning how to solve your trouble,” Jodi stated.

Mannersmith: great Manners Improve Interactions

During this time of social distancing, when many people aren’t actively online dating physically, Jodi implies that singles rethink their behaviors. As an instance, she mentioned she thinks that most everyone is overusing internet dating programs and texting methods to reach understand potential lovers.

“Those resources are there to make you the date; they’re not the go out it self. Those elements may possibly not be here once you meet in-person,” Jodi mentioned.

She additionally implies singles considercarefully what they want from online dating. Carry out they would like to have a great time or discover a long-term lover?

“Knowing that aim will point the behavior. Alike points that satisfy your human hormones won’t be the same issues that make a lasting connection,” Jodi said.

Possibly exactly what stands out most about Jodi’s guidance is the fact that it generally does not sound like traditional manners. Alternatively, she supplies related, appropriate recommendations for behaving really. That’s what Jodi mentioned she many desires to express about her occupation: Manners aren’t stuffy or old-fashioned. Instead, they are continually growing guidelines in order to make residing in culture easier for everybody.

“Etiquette is focused on offering tips, so we really enjoy social connections. These are generally all things that make getting one another more pleasant,” Jodi stated.

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Boondockers Welcome™ Encourages partners going to the Open Road & Save Money by Joining the RV neighborhood

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The brief Version: Boondockers Welcome could be the passion project of seasoned RV people who would like to help people embarking on a cross-country adventure. The internet site connects RVers with hundreds of no-cost spots to keep throughout North America, European countries, and Australian Continent. Users pay a registration charge to find the host circle and ask for in a single day RV stays at exclusive homes, restaurants, and businesses. Almost all hosts on Boondockers Welcome are RV lovers just who enjoy mingling from this unique community. By connecting those who display a passion for RV road trips, Boondockers greeting gives singles, partners, and families the ability to save money on their own holidays and meet most friendly people on the way.

During the early 2000s, Marianne Edwards and her spouse bought an RV so they could visit North America on road trips. The Ontario couple managed to make it a yearly tradition going sightseeing and camping everywhere.

Marianne loved discovering out-of-the-way places and beautiful areas to park their RV, and she did a lot of study for the best areas. As she gathered knowledge, she started producing travel instructions and composing on the web articles to aid others follow within tire monitors.

Eventually, Marianne became a respected expert in RV vacation, and she have got to understand numerous RVers within fun-loving area. She wanted to make a move to connect these individuals with each other that assist all of them embark on escapades without investing a king’s ransom, so she teamed up with her girl to create Boondockers acceptance.

Marianne’s child Anna Maste had been on pregnancy leave about ten years in the past when she started creating the Boondockers greeting website.

“My mommy had the idea of garage searching — sort of the RV same in principle as settee searching,” Anna stated. “We utilized the woman determination and connections for the RV globe coupled with my personal computer know-how to create this system your RV area.”

Boondockers Welcome gave passionate RVers a spot to collect, discuss tales, trade ideas, and open up their unique doors to brand new encounters. Singles and lovers can sign up as guests or hosts (or both) getting in touch with RVers throughout the entire world to make numerous worthwhile connections.

Over 2,400 Hosts Make Space & Show Hospitality to Travelers

Boondockers greeting attracts senior citizens, solamente travelers, daring lovers, and RV people shopping for a method to go off the beaten path and save cash during their trips. As opposed to remaining in a parking great deal or campground, these outbound RVers try to find hosts in a worldwide community.

Boondockers greeting has actually over 2,400 hosts within its directory site, and people can reserve a stay on these private attributes at no cost. Hosts make credits 100% free guest benefits on Boondockers greeting with each profitable stay. Hosts try not to get monetary compensation unless visitors need help them purchase any out-of-pocket expenses or extra solutions.

Many Boondockers Welcome hosts are passionate RVers who possess a garage, curb, or bare land in which visitors can park instantly. Him or her open their particular doors to strangers simply because they benefit from the companionship and meeting individuals from all over the globe.

Some hosts have actually place for multiple RVs each time — for instance, some companies provide to coordinate RV tourists within their parking lot — but hosts with more compact properties can record limits throughout the size and amount of RVs that fit to their area.

Anna informed all of us that certain restaurants often get plenty of reservations because they offer a simple hookup and an effective dinner. Regional hosts will occasionally really take the time to convey vacation details, tips, and assist with their unique friends. And, needless to say, RVers are often guaranteed to keep ratings on Boondockers This is permit other individuals understand what their unique knowledge was actually like.

The hosts commonly needed to have an electrical or drinking water hookup, many carry out and list that amongst their facilities. Various other elective services feature WiFi, pull-through vehicle parking, and an RV dump. It’s liberated to stick to a bunch, but friends usually compensate their particular hosts for any out-of-pocket expenditures, that may consist of any such thing from technical assist to a campfire party.

“In case you are curious about the RV way of life, subsequently getting a bunch can be a great way to fulfill RVers and pick their own brains,” Anna mentioned. “You can see different rigs and see just what boasts that life style, and it is just an excellent introduction to RVing.”

Friends can pick unique Adventure & Savor the Journey

Registering as a visitor on Boondockers Welcome prices $50 annually, it is generally really worth it for frequent tourists who would like to skip pricey campground and RV park costs. Plus, friends just who say yes to end up being a number will immediately get a 50percent discount to their account.

Every time a guest stays with a number, the variety makes a credit that means three months of visitor benefits on Boondockers Welcome. Some hosts have a lot of area in a prominent region and that can effortlessly earn their strategy to several years of cost-free account — but other people are content getting a couple of visitors a year and possess a very relaxed schedule.

Friends can request a reservation with any offered number, but the hosts experience the final say in who is going to stick with all of them. When a bunch accepts a demand, their own area are noticeable to the visitor and an exclusive communication window is unlocked.

Hosts usually offer short term stays starting from anyone to five nights, and they’re frequently good methods for RVers exploring the place. Members of Boondockers greeting can ask questions, share a few ideas, and swap travel ideas through personal emails the help of its hosts or guests, that interactions make the open highway seem a much much less lonely or overwhelming location.

Couples can get some good local insights by sticking to a bunch, also it can end up being a wonderfully engaging and fun-filled knowledge to generally meet RV lovers from different parts of the country or the globe.

Boondockers Welcome features a very good following in united states, and it is concentrating on growing in Australia and brand new Zealand. The group normally developing a mobile application so its guests and hosts can bing search, talk, and hook up while on the go.

Opening folks doing Great New Experiences & Stories

Boondockers acceptance allows for good men and women having a great time with each other, and its particular directory site has actually led to lots of great tales throughout the years. Both guests and hosts have reached off to the team to fairly share their particular knowledge and tv series understanding for the RV society.

One guy always embark on whirlwind RV escapades together with his wife, but once his partner ended up being identified as having Alzheimer’s disease, they have needed to remain put. The happy couple are vacant nesters living in a rural region, so it is obvious how they could become lonely. However, Boondockers Welcome has actually permitted this elderly man to enjoy a dynamic personal life-while becoming a full-time caregiver to his girlfriend.

“Now with Boondockers greeting, I get to interact making use of best folks, discussing my mountain and my passions,” he mentioned. “and it is really aided my mental health.”

Another few stated they are hosting RVers since the start of Boondockers Welcome and get found 50 visitors that have originate from all over the world, including the U.S., Austria, Germany, Australian Continent, and Costa Rica. The couple said, “we have had wonderful cultural exchanges, shared existence stories, and made pals we aspire to see once again.”

The COVID-19 pandemic has brought some unique issues to prospects residing the RV lifestyle, and Boondockers Welcome was a savior for folks and households residing traveling and navigating across the country campground closures.

Anna informed all of us the storyline of 1 couple who had been in the middle of an RV travel employing grandchild when travel limits upended their particular ideas. Abruptly their own daughter couldn’t travel out of Manitoba to Ontario to fulfill all of them, so that the few took a 24-hour road trip (with a toddler, believe it or not) to create the household collectively. They stayed with Boondockers greeting has the complete means because the majority of various other RV areas were closed.

One Florida few joined up with the Boondockers greeting internet site as a bunch in 2019, together with welcomed more than 100 guests, but absolutely nothing very prepared all of them for difficulties COVID-19 introduced. While all of their future guests canceled their unique vacation programs, their existing friends were trapped with no place to visit.

They finished up holding three RV partners approximately 8 weeks whilst the statewide lockdown endured. Two from Canada stayed the longest (58 days), and surely got to know their particular hosts really well during that time.

Boondockers acceptance Has linked a system of RV Enthusiasts

The Boondockers greeting platform was made by RVers for RVers, and Anna informed united states that downline usually use the web site themselves getaways. Their unique passion, flexibility, and diligence makes the internet site the goals nowadays and also enabled the RV society to thrive.

Because of this intrepid team, it’s never been easier for RV enthusiasts to get into gear and strategy cross-country holidays without busting their particular spending plan. Couples can get in on the Boondockers greeting web site as hosts or visitors to encounter folks from all parts of society and get some lighter moments activities taking a trip around the globe or staying in their particular yard.

“I can’t actually commence to think about one more thing that I could do with my existence that could be since rewarding because this is,” Anna mentioned. “each and every day, we have to know stories about somebody who has generated a lifelong friend or been conserved by a bunch. I can not RV around my mom really does because We have children, but i am getting excited about the afternoon as I may go and extremely start to see the globe — and relish the kindness of your hosts.”

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